Spread Civility and Harvest Warmth

In the stair ways of the school, there are posters that encourage kindness and good behavior. Some of them say "Please stay right on the stairs so friends can pass." Another says "Running can cause fall, don't rush" or "You will regret if you don't study hard." But my favorite sign is the one that says "Spread civility and harvest warmth." While the other signs seem like helpful hints or suggestions, this one is pretty straight forward. Be civil. At first, this sign made me laugh because of it's blunteness, which is so unlike the other posters that it kind of took me by surprise, but also because what does that even mean? I have passed this sign every school day for the past three weeks and I have never fully understood what it was trying to say. But I do have some ideas:

As my students are getting more and more comfortable with me and with English, they are getting more and more willing to speak up (both in good ways and in bad). They are asking more questions (mostly about me as a person and not about what we are talking about in class). They are more willing to call out my name when they want to say something as opposed to raising their hands. They are more likely to answer questions (but they are also more likely to talk to their friends while someone else is answering the question). Between the language barrier and the 31 students to 1 non-Chinese speaking teacher, sometimes it's absolute chaos (because I am using words that they don't understand to try and stop or calm or quiet whatever is happening while they are using words that I don't understand to explain why whatever it is that they're doing is completely justified). But when its not chaos, when they are listening and we are having conversations, it's wonderful . When everyone is being civil (myself included) the language barrier seems more funny than burdensome (I laugh at the crazy questions that they come up with and they laugh at me when I try to speak Chinese). Class is more enjoyable. The atmosphere is friendlier and more relaxed. I guess you could even call it warm. A civil classroom is a classroom that people enjoy being in and being a part of. A civil classroom is a warm classroom.

Yesterday, when I walked past that sign, I realized that it not only explains the goals of the Chinese classroom (and probably any other classroom), but it also (rather accurately) describes Chinese society. China is all about civility. (In fact, civility is acutally built into their culture.) And during my time here, the people I have met and spent time with have been nothing but civil. They have helped me meet the basic necessities of life, often times without me even having to ask. They have given me directions, translated, taken me places and have made sure that I have everything that I need to live and work in China. They have been immensely helpful and I would have been sunk without them but something was missing.

In recent days, I have learned the difference between surviving China and living in China. In these past three weeks, I have been surviving China. In recent days, I have begun actually living in China. These past three weeks have been tough but I knew going into this that they would be, so I didn't really think much of this sort of yucky feeling that I just couldn't shake. I assumed it was stress, exhaustion and everything else that comes with moving halfway across the world and tried to pretend it wasn't there. It wasn't until a series of extremely fortunate events that I realized, while some of it was due to those things, most of it was due to the loneliness that comes along with moving to a place where you don't speak the language, you don't know anyone and everyone you love is 12 hours behind you. But I came with a built in friend, so, out of all of the hurdles that I knew I would be facing I hadn't really thought loneliness would one of them. Unfortunately, it turns out that it's actually one of the biggest hurdles I have had to face because it is a loneliness like I have never experienced before.

I am not alone. I have friends. I have Carly. There are three other foreign teachers from England that Carly and I work and spend time with. There is an international community that we are starting to particiapte in. We have made friends with some of the restaurants and shop owners in the area around our apartment. Our co-workers have not only been wonderful to work with but we have also had fun outside of work. I shouldn't be lonely. And I didn't think I was. Until, through a series of extrememly fortunate events, I met a group of people who made me realize that, while on the surface, I am having fun and enjoying China, I am missing the sense of community in the family and friends that I have at home.

Much like our co-workers and friends in the community, these people have offered us help in meeting the basic needs of life in China. Unlike many of our co-workers and friends, they asked us how we were doing. They asked us about out homesickness. They asked us about our transition to life in China. They asked us about our jobs and if we were getting enough sleep at night. Then, they asked us if there was anything they could do to help make being away from our homes and our families easier. They were not just civil, they were genuine and loving. The people that I have spent much of my first three weeks (and most of the weeks to come) with have been civil (and I do realize that part of that is because I have only known them for three weeks) but this group of people have been loving. And it was this feeling of being with people and knowing that you are loved that I have been missing. And it is this feeling of being loved that eased that constant ache I had those first few weeks.

In the end, that sign is right. Civility does bring warmth. But it only brings enough warmth for survival. Real warmth, warmth that not only keeps you alive but makes you want to live, requires so much more than just civility.