Success is...

The curriculum that I teach is set up so that each lesson works to answer a question. There is one question that the students try to answer over the course of 10 lessons. The vocabulary that we learn and the stories that we read are all set up to to help the students form an answer to that specific question.

For my six year olds, it's questions like "how are animals different?" and "who helps us in our community?" With each grade, the questions get a little bit harder and little bit more abstract. By the time they get to fourth grade, the questions they answer are much more open ended and require the students to rely not only on the books we read and vocabulary we learn but on the real life application as well. Which is why answering our newest question "how do writers view success differently?" has been slightly overwhelming for my students (and by them, I mean me).

During the first few minutes of the first class of a new lesson, we talk about what the question means, what it's asking and how we would answer it based on the information we already have. Then, the last class of each unit, we compare our answers from the first class to our answers now that we know more.

I usually try to keep the discussion of the question to around five minutes but with this question about success, I found myself launching into my own mini TED talk. We started by defining success and discussing the fact that everyone views success differently. Then we (I say we but I mean I) talked about how everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and how, by knowing what ours are, we can use them to help us create our definition of success.

In a country that values everyone being the same, it was an interesting opportunity to be able to encourage my students not to be (and they were highly skeptical when I threw in the part about how, for some people, getting an 80 on their exam is a success.) but I couldn't stop myself and before I even knew it, things got real.

I love my fourth graders. It's no secret. They are such a cool group of kids. They do their homework. They tell jokes. They use sarcasm and have some pretty interesting thoughts about the world - they just don't seem to realize it.

So I decided to tell them.

I don't remember exactly how I said it but I went off on a little rant about how proud of themselves they should be for all of the amazing things they can do - especially since they do most of them in a second (or third) language - and how cool they are for not only doing all of this extra stuff but for actually caring about how well they do it.

Then I suggested that, in order to keep from getting frustrated about not seeing themselves achieving their success, they should set smaller goals within their bigger goals and work on those. That way, not only can they chip away at the bigger goal but they can see themselves succeeding the entire time they're working towards it.

By the time the class was over, my students were practically bolting out the door to get away from my "encouragement" and I was left standing there wondering where all of those words had even come from.

I'm still not totally sure but I have come to realize that (as cliche as it is) I was probably (definitely) talking to myself way more than I was talking to my kids.

I think part of what has made this year so frustrating is that I haven't seen myself succeeding. Many of the people I work with have been, not only in Korea, but at this hagwon for years. They are so good at what they do because they have had time and practice. They know what's coming. They know how to take the punches and keep rolling because they're ready for them. So, when I couldn't handle it or when I couldn't keep up, I felt like I was failing.

It wasn't until recently, when someone was kind enough to remind me of just how much has changed since I got here, that I realized just how much success I have actually had. I was talking with her about how I was pretty sure I couldn't do it - that this wasn't the right place for me. Then she reminded me of how much more I can do now than I could before. I set way too big a goal when I started. I wanted to succeed before I even knew what I was succeeding at, let alone, how to actually do it. And I definitely haven't attained (vocab word!) success yet but I'm on my way. I have reached lots of smaller goals that I should have set for myself from the beginning. And, let me tell you, seeing that the first set of smaller goals being reached has totally changed the way that I am seeing, thinking and feeling about, not only the last 8 months (or the next 4), but also myself and my future.

The next time I taught those fourth graders, I asked them if they remembered what we had talked about last time. I expected some answers about the essential question, the vocabulary words and the goals we had brainstormed but what those cutie faces actually said was "we are going to set small goals to reach bigger goals", "my success will be different from his success" and "Ms. Bailey's success goal is to go to the gym before work". Unfortunately, those answers won't help them on their test but maybe, one day, they'll see themselves reaching their goals and attaining success and remember the teacher that ranted at them to celebrate each and every one - no matter how small.

Also I've had Pimento since May and he's still alive - that in itself is a success to be celebrated.